Here’s the 52 films that Dylan saw last year (almost one a week!) and how they ranked in his brain!
52. Zack Snyder’s Justice League
Zack Snyder’s extended wet ego-fart of a film. At 4 hours, this should be called Justice Lag.
51. Army of the Dead
Actually worse than Justice League but at least it’s not 4 hours long.
50. Venom: Let There Be Carnage
Let there be garbage.
49. Mortal Kombat
Ironically, it’s forgettable.
47. Black Widow
Delayed due to lockdown and I think I preferred lockdown.
46. Cop Shop
Interesting premise that goes nowhere with stylish moments but overall boring and stupid.
Tedious, go nowhere snore-fest with little story and lots of Van Morrison. Will win best picture because it felates “the magic of the movies”.
44. Furious 9
They missed a trick by not having this one have Vin Diesel drive back in time to run over Hitler and calling it “Furious Nein!”. Would have been more believable than what we actually got.
43. The Stand
An excellent book that they just can’t ever seem to adapt properly. This is easily the biggest disappointment of the year.
42. The Many Saints of Newark
No gabagool in this fridge. Pointless Sopranos prequel that hardly features Tony at all.
41. Dear Evan Hanson
A fucked up musical of a fucked up story of a fucked up kid played by a fucked up adult.
40. Godzilla Vs Kong
It could have been much worse.
39. The Matrix: Resurrections
It could have been much better.
38. The French Dispatch
Wes Anderson stopped making movies and started making “Wes Anderson” movies.
37. Ghostbusters Afterlife
Who you gonna call? Nost-algia!
Pretty good action flick that scores no points for originality. Bob Odenkirk caries this one. Anyone else and it wouldn’t have been as interesting.
35. The Suicide Squad
Enjoyably juvenile but the constant gory violence wears thin after a while. Still it’s ballsy and very original. In your face Jared Leto!
34. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the 10 Rings
Great martial arts in an otherwise cookie cutter Marvel mess. Awkwafina is the most annoying character since Steve Urkel.
33. Night Raiders
The little Metis sci fi thriller that could. This Hunger Games meets Canadian colonialism has my full support despite issues with pacing and editing. It’s not perfect but damn it has spirit.
32. A Quiet Place 2
Shhhhh…It’s more of the same. But the opening sequence is awesome.
31. House of Gucci
Dynasty meets Chef Boyardee. Cheesy and hilarious but I’m pretty sure it was trying to be serious.
Interesting true story about the Canadian farmer who went up against Monsanto. Quiet and restrained telling of a story that could easily have been cliche and corny.
29. Jungle Cruise
A fun ride
Much more fun and fresh than I was expecting. Terrific soundtrack.
These Italian fish monsters are more believably Italian than the entire cast of House of Gucci.
David Tennant is terrifyingly downbeat in his horrifyingly accurate portrayal of notorious London serial killer Dennis Nilsen. The banality of evil on full display.
Run of the mill 9-11 biopic but Michael Keaton is great as always.
23. Pray Away
Infuriating documentary about the Christian hell that is gay conversion therapy. This shit is still happening, people.
22. The Fight Before Christmas
Everything I despise about the holidays in the form of one insufferable, entitled, smug, rich asshole in a Christmas sweater ruing the lives of his neighbours. But hey, it’s Christmas!
21. Free Guy
So much smarter than I expected. Fun fun fun!
20. Don’t Look Up
Ham-fisted Liberal soapboxing but I laughed a lot despite myself. It’s not as profound as it wants to be but it’s still an entertaining watch.
19. Summer of Soul
Excellent doc about excellent musicians.
18. Anthony Bourdain: Roadrunner
Made me miss the man even more.
17. No Time To Die
Farewell, Mr Bond. One of the better Craig Bond films which makes it an above average Bond film.
16. The Green Knight
Weird, creepy and haunting. It stays with you like bloody dirt under your fingernails.
15. Sound of Metal
Technically this is a 2019 film but we only got it here last year. Damn did I love this movie. Unconventional on every level with a career best performance from Riz Ahmed. Superb.
14. Midnight Mass
Stephen King- reminiscent horror series that’s refreshingly free of jump scares in favour of patient mediation on mortality. People criticize it of being “too talky” as if that’s a bad thing. The talky-ness really worked for me.
Just plain weird but I’ve never seen a movie like it. Somehow it’s horrifying and sentimental in equal measure.
12. The Night House
Surprising little supernatural horror flick with a lot more hidden in the shadows than it first lets on. Very interesting art direction and cinematography keeps things just this side of bizarre and believably haunted.
Matt Damon puts away his charming smile and dons a dusty blue-collar ball cap in his captivating depiction of a blue-collar American father in France attempting to spring his daughter from prison.
10. The Last Duel
This movie is very very good but nobody went to see it. Great story, great direction, challenging story with one hell of a great fight scene at the climax. This is old school filmmaking at its best. We need more films like this.
9. The Sparks Brothers
Who are these wonderful, genius weirdos and how did they make such great music for decades without me having ever heard of them? I’m hooked on Sparks.
8. Barb & Star Go To Vista Del Mar
Funniest film of the year and laughed throughout both times. Charming, original and colourful.
7. Spider-Man: No Way Home
The second best Spidey movie and one of the best Marvel movies. Loads of fun!
My most anticipated film of the year. If it handed ended so abruptly it might have made my #1 spot but I’m holding out for part 2 and look forward to viewing them both as one 4 hour masterpiece.
5. Licorice Pizza
PT Anderson’s most charming film since Punch Drunk Love. Completely original.
4. Bo Burnham: Inside
Never before has one man done so much with so little. What Bo does with clever camerawork, creative lighting and masterful editing is genius, all from the confines of his garage. And the songs are catchy and hilarious.
Infuriating, multi-faceted take on the opioid crisis that puts a human face on the epidemic and the blame squarely on those most responsible on every level. Fuck you, Sacklers. Your name will never be untarnished.
2. West Side Story
The sheer balls to even attempt this after the recent run of musical movie flops. It’s a home run. Exciting, thrilling and moving night of old-school musical cinema. Flawless choreography and filmmaking and the classic music sounds even better. Too bad the lead was a bit of a dud, the rest of the cast excel.
1. Last Night In Soho
Goddamn I loved this movie! This is the most immersive and moving experience I had at the movies all year. Edgar Wright’s latest opus is a head spinning, hypnotic and immersive experience through the world of 1960’s London that took my breath away over and over again. It has its detractors, but for a few issues in the third act it’s otherwise perfectly realized and executed. Bonus points for being a whole original property from this generation’s coolest director.