They say that if you put an infinite number of monkeys in a room with an infinite number of typewriters that eventually they’d write the complete works of Shakespeare or something like that. What I know is, not only would this scenario be awesome and hilarious, but it would be a big crazy disaster. Just think of all the monkey poop all over that room! Who’s going to clean up all that monkey poop, you? Not me, that’s for sure. Well since I won’t be able to get an infinite number of monkeys (I could only round up 9) in a room with all those typewriters, I’m gonna take off writing the newsletter next week (not that I equate this thing with Shakespeare or anything). It’s the holidays and there aren’t any new releases next Tuesday anyhoo.
Come on monkeys, this newsletter isn’t going to write itself!
This Saturday we have a couple of exciting doin’s a transpirin’ at the Black Dogs. Over at the Commercial location, local musical hero Jason Zumpano is going to be spinning some festive records in the afternoon between 3 and 5. Drop by for a listen, say hi, rent a flick. You’ll be a better person for it (note – no guarantees that you’ll be a better person for it). At Cambie we’re having a big DVD and Blu Ray sale once again. This time however we’re throwing in a whole pile of new, previously-loved titles. They make great stocking stuffers for the ones you love. Or hate. Depending on the title you choose. Speaking of stuffing one’s stocking, we have lots of our fabulous Black Dog underwear for sale as well as gift certificates and Black Dog tote bags! One stop shopping!
Oh and I should also mention that all of our old title Crimbo (it’s what the cool kids call Christmas these days) movies can now be rented for the small sum of $3! But they only rent for 2 days. So there’s that.
New Releases for Tuesday February 17th
Cottage Country – Canadian comedy (don’t let that put you off) with funny-man Tyler Labine (Tucker and Dale vs Evil) as a dude who wants to propose to his girlfriend up at their nice cottage (cabin for all you west-coasters). The only problem? His weirdo brother and his weirdo brother’s free-spirited girlfriend tag along for the ride. Nothing a little axe work can’t take care of though, right?
Elysium – Fairly disappointing sci-fi number from the director of the amazing District 9 finds a bald, shiny Matt Damon attempting to escape a ruined Earth and head up to a giant space station run by Jodie Foster (with the worst accent in the history of the universe) so he can be cured of some radiation poisoning he picked up at work (hate that). I had high hopes for this and I started off liking it quite a bit. But then about half-way through I stopped liking it for some reason. Too bad. But you might like it! Also on the Blu Ray.
The Family – Old Mafia boss Bobby DeNiro drags his wife (Michele Pfeiffer) and kids to France to live under the witness relocation program. I’m guessing that comedy and action hijinks ensue as the fishes out of water have a hard time adjusting to the French way of life. Tommy Lee Jones and his enormous head are along for the ride as the guy in charge of keeping them under wraps. Does DeNiro’s former business partners track him down? Probably. Directed by Luc Besson for some reason. Also on the Blu Ray.
Justified Season 4 – Timothy Olyphant swaggers around the town as the sheriff and the wonderfully named and massively foreheaded Walton Goggins crimes it up in Season 4 of this great TV show.
Kick-Ass 2 – Jim Carrey replaces (even if it’s not really possible) Nic Cage in the sequel to the totally fun, stupid and violent Kick-Ass. Hit Girl and Kick-Ass team up once again, when not trying to fit in as regular teen-agers, to fight the evil menace that was once know as Red Mist. Violence and comedy, I presume, ensue. Also on the Blu Ray.
Lone Ranger – Why does this movie exist? So weirdo Quentin Tarantino can put it on his best of the year list? Johnny Depp walks around with a dead crow on his head pretending to be Native American while some guy named Armie Hammer (can’t be a real name me thinks) plays the Lone Ranger in Gore Verbinski’s too long western twaddle. Also on the Blu Ray.
Percy Jackson: Sea on Monsters – As the box boldly states, “More Action, More Fun, the Best Percy Yet!” Since there’s only one other Percy Jackson film, that’s not much of a claim to fame. The amusingly named Logan Lerman is back as the son of Poseidon fighting all sorts of monsters (mostly from the sea I imagine). I knew a guy a long time ago that we called Poseidon. He was an older guy that, for some reason, liked to hang out with my friends and I. He had a big beard so he was known in our circle as Poseidon, God of the Beard. Wonder what ever happened to him….Also on the Blu Ray.
Prisoners – Just in time for the festive season comes this thriller about child abduction, torture and murder. Hugh Jackman (who on the cover looks like a wax figurine of Hugh Jackman that has been left out in the sun for too long) plays a dad whose daughter, along with his neighbour’s daughter, is taken. Neckless Jake Gyllenhall is the cop heading up the investigation. Who took the girls? Was it the weirdo Paul Dano who drives the crappy looking RV around town? What lengths will Wolverine go to find out? This is an excellent, tense thriller. It will probably be on my best of the year list. Also on the Blu Ray.
Would You Rather – Nasty, but fun, looking horror number about an eccentric dude (played by the eccentric and awesome Jeffery Combs – Re-Animator) who invites a bunch of desperate people over to his mansion with the idea to see how far they will go for untold riches.
Coming in 2 Weeks
Insidious Chapter 2
Keep your eyeballs peeled (not literally, of course) for the Black Dog year end top picks for the year of movies that we saw in the year 2013.
I hope that everyone has a safe, happy, food and booze fuelled holiday. Talk at you soon!
From our family to yours!
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